Deadly Fools
by LiquidxIce
Summary: If Naruto and Sakura were given an every day ordinary mission, how would it go? Based on the episodes between the Sasuke-retrieval arc and when Naruto leaves. Better summary inside, I swear. This story is on hold for now!
1. Chapter 1

"Fumi

This story is supposed to be in the style of a filler Naruto episode from the point of view of a possible customer. I've tried to emulate the style and the clichés that are sometimes present, but I hope to write it as realistically and interestingly as I can. Also, since it is from the point of view of a customer, I obviously had to create some new characters that I tried to keep realistic as people, so tell me how I did on that. Please review, this is somewhat of a new idea/style for me.

xXx

"Fumi!" I groaned, staring at my bare feet. I was sitting on the edge of our porch swinging them back and forth while trying to get them covered in dust. It probably wasn't the most worthwhile activity, but it was keeping me mostly entertained. Occasionally the feet would brush against each other though, and wipe some of the dust off. Therein lied the challenge.

"Fumi!!" the shrill voice came again. Did she pitch it that high just to make it the most penetrating possible?

"What?!" I called back to Aoi, my governess. Although my father started out as only a merchant, he was able to collect enough money that we were very rich by the time I was born. Since my mother died having me, Aoi was the one who took care of me all this time. My father was usually out on the roads trying to convince people to buy his useless junk. Which he was quite good at, as my costly possessions showed.

"The shinobi will be here soon, wouldn't you like to clean up and make a good impression?" I shivered in excitement. Since Aoi and I would be traveling over to meet my father on the other side of the country, he decided that our traveling in our small caravan of servants wasn't safe enough and was hiring bodyguards. I couldn't wait. Everyone had heard about the ninja, though I hadn't ever seen any. I bet they were all going to be at least six feet tall and covered in weapons. I heard stories that say that some of them weren't even totally human… and had devilish magical powers. Although I was enjoying the anticipation, I have to admit a not-so-small part of me was afraid.

"No! I want to wait here! Leave me alone you old biddy!" I shrieked back. Jeez, she ruined everything. I wanted to be able to see them as soon as they came over the horizon. I almost wished they would like me. I never had any friends. Since my dad thought a tutor would teach me better, I never went to school. The closest thing I had to a companion was Aoi. And she was no fun at all. But they would probably be at least thirty, ancient. And covered with battlescars and tattoos. I relished this idea for a moment. There would also be a lot of them, I bet. My dad had sent a messenger telling me that he had tried his hardest to get a large number for me.

"Their stubborn 'hokage' as they refer to it, keeps telling me that not too many could be spared for what was deemed a 'low-class' mission. But don't you worry sweetheart. These monsters can be swayed by a few more coins I'm sure."

I recalled his last letter to me in satisfaction. I always got what I wanted. And I wanted a lot of them. This was going to be great. Maybe they would smoke and tell stories of all the people they'd killed. Mostly criminals, for sure. But maybe some not. Shinobi were one step away from murderers Aoi had told me darkly. And sometimes not even that much. I wriggled my toes in the dirt. Then a bit of fear shot through me suddenly. What if they were really cool and they didn't like me? I pushed that thought away from me harshly. Everyone like me, I was sure. Or at least I thought so. All the people I knew were my servants. What if the servants didn't like me? Whatever, I told myself. Who cares what servants thought? Their opinions didn't matter much. They were really poor too, and it was hard to relate to someone who wasn't the same 'level' as me.

I stood up on my tiptoes, trying to see if there was anything there. Nope. Maybe I would go in and try to look nice. I turned and walked in the door. "Aoi, tell me if anyone comes, okay? I want to be able to go meet them." I didn't wait for her answer.

After changing my clothes and washing the dust off, I looked in the mirror, trying to judge how I would look to an outsider. Black hair, pale face, big dark eyes. I thought I looked alright, maybe pretty on a good day. But then again, what did I know? I had barely ever seen anyone my age, which was thirteen. One of the maids had brought her daughter to work once and I tried to play with her, but it didn't go well. She wouldn't do what I told her. Finally I had lost my temper and told the maid never to bring her back.

I paused, hoping to hear Aoi's shrill and annoying voice telling me the dangerous bad men had come. Silence. Oh well. It's not like I really cared that much, I told myself. My self was apparently not listening. I stuck out my lower lip in the pouting expression that always got me the new outfit, and thought about Aoi. Although she was probably the closest thing I had to a mother, we weren't that close. I used to have terrible temper tantrums when I was younger, (okay, sometimes I still had them) and the repeated refrain coming from her mouth was "every day more money". I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but as I puzzled over it now, it didn't seem that nurturing.

"FUMI!! They're here!" Aoi shrieked. I jumped up, almost bumping into my dresser. Racing outside to where my governess was, I squinted at the horizon. There was nothing there.

"Where are they?" I demanded. "I thought you said they were here!" Aoi pointed over to the side of the house. I started to run over, then decided it wasn't dignified enough. I slowed down to a walk and tried to look graceful, remembering to keep my shoulders back. As soon as I saw the apparently deadly and merciless bodyguards and assassins we had hired though, I forgot to pay attention to my posture.

"Oh you have GOT to be kidding."


	2. Chapter 2

Two kids my age looked at me with vague curiousity; a blonde boy and a girl with pink hair

Two kids my age looked at me with vague curiosity; a blonde boy and a girl with pink hair. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I finally burst out, "Where are the shinobi?!"

"Um, we're it," said the girl. The boy looked confused for a second, then got angry.

"What, you don't think we're good enough?!" he demanded. I noticed sneeringly that he was shorter than his companion, the same size as me, and I had always been considered small for my age.

"Uh, duh," I enunciated the syllables carefully. "Everyone knows that shinobi are ruthless killing machines They're trained since childhood to use every type of weapon and give no mercy! You two are just both kids. What a waste of money." I twirled on my heel and flounced back to the house. I am very good at flouncing. I consider it one of my specialties. I peeked over my shoulder to see their reactions. The blonde boy's face was bright red, and the girl seemed to be holding him back by his collar. Maybe that was why his face was red. _Whatever._

"Aoi!" I called. "They sent us the rejects!"

"What?" She asked, coming out of the kitchen.

"I mean we didn't get real bodyguards at all. They're pathetic. My father will be enraged. Get me some paper, I'm going to inform him immediately."

Aoi looked nervous. "But Miss Fumi, we don't have time to get replacements. We have to start traveling tomorrow night at the latest. A messenger couldn't even get to your father in that amount of time."

I paused. "Wait a second, I said. "We're not leaving today?"

"You know that," Aoi said.

"Well then where are we going to put the two losers out in front? I think they should have to sleep out there."

"Fumi, I'm ashamed of you. Whether you think they'll make good bodyguards is a separate matter. We can't let anyone, even two men sleep outside in the cold."

"Wait wait wait," I interrupted. "You haven't seen them yet? I think you should see them before making any assumptions about sleeping arrangements."

Aoi shook her head. "What do you mean? I thought we would just have them room together in the spare bedroom."

I just laughed. Aoi, giving me a puzzled look, went out to supposedly "greet our new guests" but mostly just to get me to stop cackling. I strained my ears at the window, trying to listen in without being noticed.

"Mumble mumble honored, mumble come in, mumble refresh yourselves, mumble of course you must eat with us," I heard Aoi's voice.

I sat back, stunned, Did she just invited them to eat dinner with us without asking my permission?! I didn't want to have to spend any more time with them than I had to, especially now that I'd pissed them off. Well, at least the blonde one.

I was waiting with a ferocious glare on my face when Aoi came hustling back in.

"You were right about sleeping arrangements," she told me, ignoring the frown. "It would be completely unacceptable to put a boy and girl in the same room. Sakura will be sleeping in your room on your spare bed."

I didn't even take the time to roll my eyes at how old-fashioned she was about girls and boys. "Sakura?" I asked icily. "You're on first name terms with them now?"

"Sakura and Naruto were quite kind to come assist us, and I hope the three of you get along. They're just your age, you know, thirteen. Since you've never really had anyone around your own age, maybe you could be friends with them."

I just stared at her. She wanted me to be friends with the weirdos pretending to be my bodyguards? Not a chance.

Aoi was still talking, though muttering mostly to herself. "Well at least friends with Sakura, she seems very polite and nice. And the responsible one of the group. That Naruto seems to be exactly what your father feared in boys your age. No sense of dignity or duty…" she kept going, but I tuned her out.

"I wish to go to my bedroom before it's taken over by hooligans," I announced stiffly. I also wanted to make sure it was clean before I had some girl snooping through it.

I hurried with as much dignity as possibly to my room where I frantically grabbed a basket and began stuffing dirty clothes in it. Although I was determined not to like _Sakura_ or whatever her name was, I couldn't help but hope she didn't think my room was too babyish, or cluttered, or whatever. Even as I rolled my eyes at my immaturity, I found myself looking around to see if I had left any undergarments lying about. I was almost relieved to hear Aoi shouting that it was time for dinner, if it would stop me from obsessing.

Dinner was awkward, to say the least. I refused to look at or talk to either of the fake shinobi, they refused to talk to me, the girl one refused to talk to the boy, Aoi tried desperately to make everyone get along, and the boy ignored everyone else to try to convince the girl to talk to him. I was disgusted. They could at least _try _to make amends. It's not my fault they were losers and frauds. Why was I being punished for noticing? I finally shoved my chair out, trying to make a squeaking noise on the floor, which I noticed with satisfaction that it did. "I'm retiring to my room," I announced loudly, so that everyone would have to notice.

"Oh, good idea, it's late," Aoi agreed. "Fumi, will you show Naruto and Sakura to their rooms?"

Clenching my jaw I muttered, "Fine". They both stood up.

"Thank you so much for the meal, Aoi-san," Sakura said, before coming with me. She very noticeably elbowed the boy in the ribs.

"Oh, yeah, thanks! It was good," the boy practically shouted, rubbing the back of his head.

_Suck ups. _"C'mon, your rooms are this way," I announced, trying to direct their focus back.

"Your rooms that way," I pointed down the hall. He'd be able to figure it out.

"And you're in my room with me," I said to the pink-haired girl. She smiled.

"That'll be fun, won't it?" she asked. "We can gossip and everything, just us girls." The idea was tempting. I saw myself with a friend to giggle with for a second. But then, why would she be nice? Just because my father had hired her. I forced that image down back my throat, and shot her a scornful glance.

"Yeah… that would be… fun," I carefully enunciated, making it clear from my tone I thought it was anything but. I watched her face carefully, hoping she would protest. She simply turned red.

"Just tell me which bed is mine, then," she said angrily. I pointed delicately. She turned away brusquely and dumped her bag down on it. After we both got ready for bed, she looked at me like she was going to say something, then changed her mind and looked away. I looked away too, trying not to look upset.

"Well, if you're going to be "protecting" me tomorrow, I suppose we should go to sleep now," I announced, and she mumbled agreement. She turned off the light near her bed, and I was surprised by how tired I suddenly felt. Just as I was beginning to drift off, I heard muffled swearing from the hall.

"God damn it, where the hell is the room?! I can't stay in the hall all night, what if someone complains? Freaking…"

I sat bolt upright. _What was that?_ I switched on a light. Sakura was sitting up too, but unlike me, she didn't look surprised. "Stupid Naruto," she announced calmly, getting up. "Do you mind coming with me, I don't know where his room is either," she asked.

I was too weirded out to refuse as I silently followed her out into the hallway. I found her berating Naruto in a whisper. "How can you not figure out which one is your room?" she demanded. "It's the empty one! And how come it took you so long to even come back towards the main part of the house? Don't tell me you were looking for your room all that time!"

"It's true, Sakura-chan!" he protested. "I didn't want to cause any trouble, so I tried really hard to find it!"

"You're such an idiot!" she hissed. "All you had to do was knock on our door and Fumi-san would have shown you… probably."

I bristled at that. "I would have shown him," I retorted.

"I didn't know which room was yours!" he shouted.

Both Sakura and I hissed "SHHHHH!" at him and Sakura clapped a hand over his mouth. He grabbed her hand and pulled it down from his mouth, look at her with hurt written all over his face.

"Fumi-san didn't cover up my mouth," he said, glancing slyly at me, then back at Sakura. "She's more lady-like." I felt my face getting warm as I found that comment surprisingly pleasing.

"Oh, don't even try that," Sakura hissed at him. "We all know you're just trying to make me feel bad for covering your mouth. Which I don't, you loudass."

"Loudass? What kind of word is that?" Naruto demanded, his voice getting louder again.

"It's a word for morons like you!" Sakura said, her voice louder than Naruto's.

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" I shrieked, then covered my own mouth. I whispered quickly, "You're acting like idiots! Your room is this way, I'm sorry it wasn't clear enough earlier, I didn't know you too would begin arguing like three-year-olds!" I stalked off ahead of them. Despite what I had shouted, it had actually been pretty fun to feel included in that. Most of the servants ignored my presence, as was good etiquette.

I looked back over my shoulder, to find both of them following me, looking pretty un-upset for two people that had just been close to blows. I got the feeling this was a regular occurrence. I opened the door to the spare room and pointed directly inside. "Is this clear enough?"

Naruto nodded meekly. "Good," I said. "Then we're going to bed. You know where our room is, if you need anything. Just don't wander around again like an idiot." I caught Sakura's eye and found myself smiling at her when she grinned.

I turned around and walked back to the room, mulling over the weirdness of why I felt so strangely happy. It was because I felt included. That was it. Besides, I really didn't care about these two useless idiots. All they did tonight was take away from my sleep and shout at each other. How could they even work as a team with that type of attitude? The stories all said that shinobi could practically read each other's minds. Still, when Sakura and I gratefully went back to bed, she whispered "Good night."

I whispered back "Good night" as well.

Author's Notes:

I had a surprisingly good time trying to see what the interactions between Sakura and Naruto would be like to an outsider. I tried to keep everyone in character, including the newly created Fumi, so tell me how I did! Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Birds were singing cheerily, the sun was shining, and there didn't seem to be a cloud in the sky. Oh God, it was already morning.

"I hate my life," I mumbled into my pillow. Why was I so incredibly tired? Oh right. Staying up half the night showing genetically malfunctioning midgets their rooms doesn't really make you well rested.

"Oh, are you finally awake?"

I turned over to see Sakura sitting on her bed, already dressed and no doubt packed, shining, and sprinkled lightly with rose water. Stupid morning person.

"Ugh, what time is it?" I finally rasped out. Come to think of it, it was partly her fault I was so tired too. If she hadn't made me laugh with her yelling, I could probably have fallen asleep earlier.

"Six-thirty," she chirped, the perfect little…

"Why are you already awake?" I asked, preparing to go back to sleep. "It's too early!"

"Your housekeeper, or whatever, said that we should be ready earlier so we can get to your dad's sooner. Hey wanna come wake up Naruto with me? It's fun."

"Nooo… why would I want to do something like that?" I asked. Honestly. Like I dream of waking people up? I don't think so.

"Your loss," she announced stiffly and walked out of the room.

I took advantage of the situation to grab a tunic and leggings. It's not like I really needed an audience to get dressed.

"Aaaahhhh!!! What the hell is wrong with you? You always do weird stuff like this! You could have just tapped me on my shoulder or something! What is _wrong_ with you? Uh, never mind. I take it back!" I guess Sakura had gotten Naruto up.

There was a crashing noise down the hall, and I briefly considered checking it out before deciding I didn't really want to know.

I glanced in the mirror for a second, then looked back again more carefully. Did my hair look stupid? I usually just wore it down, but maybe that looked dumb to someone like the two supposed ninja who were always on the move. For some reason, this worried me. I told myself I just wasn't used to having anyone my age around, and I was being stupid. Despite the logic of my self-talk, I quickly braided my long hair into a braid. Just to keep it out of the way while we were traveling, of course.

I slid into a chair at the table ready to eat anything. I was surprised by how hungry I felt. Naruto and Sakura were already sitting there, Sakura eating daintily and looking supremely calm while Naruto glowered at her and shoveled huge amounts of food into his mouth.

"Are you packed?" Aoi said in a no-nonsense tone as she slid bacon onto my plate.

"No, not yet," I groaned. I didn't even want to think about that yet.

"You should get a move on," Aoi reminded me. "We're leaving in half an hour. Sakura's already packed and Naruto said he'll finish in a minute."

Well isn't that awesome for Sakura and Naruto? Who gives? I'll finish in a second.

"Okay okay, I'll go pack right now. Stop nagging me!" Come on now. I said I would.

"Aoi-san," Sakura started, "Naruto and I should go out to make sure everything's ready outside. Don't want to forget anything."

I looked up, mildly interested. What did they have to bring other than their clothes?

"C'mon!" hissed Sakura, grabbing Naruto by the front of his ridiculously colored jacket and dragging him after her. He promptly choked, and had to be whacked a couple of times on the back before they made it outside. I watched their ungraceful exit in quiet wonderment, not really aware that my mouth was hanging slightly open. I was used to everything being quiet and peaceful. I was not sure if I could stand too much more of this.

Aoi looked back at me, also shaking her head at their antics. "Go! Pack! Get a move on!" she commanded.

I went.

xXx

Once we had finally gotten underway, Naruto stopped running circles around the procession to come back and ask me, "Wow, how rich are you?"

Sakura, overhearing, quickly turned back and whacked him upside the head. "Sorry, he doesn't mean it," she said.

"I do too," he said, already sounding recovered. "You're bringing five servants and a wagon just to go meet up with your dad."

I frowned. It sounded pretty reasonable to me. In fact, I was somewhat annoyed the wagon was only able to carry stuff and I couldn't ride in it. Sure, walking was supposed to be good for your health, but who really wants to walk day in and day out?

"Nevermind!" broke in Sakura. "Forget him. We'll go up and scout ahead," she announced, staring daggers at the boy.

"Uh right," he grinned and sprinted off, Sakura following him.

Aoi came over to talk to me, looking worried. "I still can't believe _they_ were considered good enough to protect us," she said. "Sakura is nice enough but look at her, she's just a young girl. And I doubt Naruto would even be able to focus long enough to recognize a threat, much less do anything about it. That boy is so ridiculous, I wonder if he's ever worried about a thing in his life. I have to think we' be safer off by ourselves, without having to babysit them."

I had to agree. They were harmless at best, most of the time they were basically too irritating to stand. I mean, there was a difference in being able to walk along next to a wagon and being able to fight off ruthless robbers. How could the stories about ninja be so wrong? Were they even the right people? Maybe they were just frauds that were pretending they were ninja.

"How does someone become a ninja?" I asked Aoi. Hey, maybe I could be one if the standards were so low. That was a new career option.

"Well the stories say that they're schooled since childhood, but I have to wonder about the stories with results like this. You could ask them, I suppose."

I considered it, but when I looked around, Naruto was busy talking to several of the servants at once, and Sakura was looking gloomy. It's not like I really wanted to interrupt that.

"Please don't tell them anything I said," Aoi requested. "They're nice enough people and I don't want to hurt their feelings, I just don't want to think about what would happen if we were actually attacked. I mean, look at them. Neither of them could even take a real punch, much less do any damage themselves." Aoi sighed. "I guess we'll just have to hope we don't look too tempting of a target to bandits."

I started to feel nervous myself. I had never really thought we'd be in any actual danger. "I think I'm going to go up and talk to them," I told Aoi.

"Be nice, won't you?" she asked me. Well duh. I'm always nice.

xXx

Author's Notes:

Sorry if not much happened in this chapter, it's mostly just setting up the scene lol. I'll make the next one more interesting.

Also, I'm really sorry it's been so long since I've updated, you can blame my school for that. Hopefully, I'll stay more on top of things and update more. Hmm… maybe lots of reviews would help convince me, haha. Ok, sorry about that. It's always worth a try. Hope you enjoyed, and please review!

2nd note: I'm not sure if I stated before, but this takes place between when Sasuke left and before the time skip. So, fittingly, it's in the middle of all the fillers. Sakura's started medical and strength training and Naruto is still short. XD


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